Higher education

One key to happiness is having a goal toward which you always strive because keeping your brain busy and preoccupied makes time move faster. Animals are happy in nature because they are constantly exercising their mental faculties for mere survival, but they also have plenty of leisure time to balance out the stress of daily survival, and humans could do well to learn from their example. Once you come to the realization that all animals have this hardwired biological compulsion to move forward through change toward a goal, is it possible to overcome this perpetual condition through sheer will and meditation? Maybe that is exactly what I am trying to do with my life; I am trying to stay in the present without goals in sight. I am trying to practice the art of sheer being, of observing nature and reality through stillness and repose. Because what the human species has done is taken this perfectly healthy biological goal orienting tendency and turned it into a grotesque destructive force.

To reject society's ideals about civilization's progress as essential to individual happiness is indeed not easy to do. You end up puzzling and frustrating people close to you who have swallowed the blue pill and accepted whatever version of fantasy fed to them by greedy corporate players. You confuse them either because they want you to be happy by society's definition or because they themselves want what you are doing but feel shackled by their own oppressive belief systems, or both.

The same biological urge that drives squirrels to collect and store acorns for the winter months, also drives the human ambition of higher education in order to become respected high wage earners. It is imagined that the non-schooled are like the non acorn collectors. Those that don't collect, perish. However this analogy is flawed in two ways: There are no lazy squirrels in nature, and non-schooled humans don't necessarily perish. Healthy survival is perfectly possible without schooling. Schooling is thus superfluous; a social construct for solidifying the human pecking order.

Yesterday I felt like a failure at life and I felt sorry for myself for lacking the kind of social skills required to climb up the economic ladder that is so deeply connected with social status. This because of a single conversation I had with my sister, who is succeeding socioeconomically on the basis of her ability to influence and win people -- sheer charm. Later in the day, I went home and stumbled upon the Canadian documentary "the corporation," and that instantly made me feel better about my position and role in society. It seemed to justify my choices in life: I have simply refused to participate in a destructive system other than what is absolutely required to stay alive safely, i.e., food, rent, and transportation. True, if I worked harder at psychological games, I would have a more respected job. However, for me the work and stress is not worth the benefits -- I do no wish to expend my mental energies on superficial endeavors for which I possess no natural talent.

I have no ill-feeling toward my sister's participation in the system even though she deludes herself into believing she's working for the greater good. All around I see band-aids that hide deep wounds that actually require sutures, and I for one have no wish to compound the problem by joining the chaos created by the mindless doers.

Most all careers the system has to offer are far from the nobility and utility they claim to have. Everything from medicine to engineering to academia is detrimental to environmental and human well being. The main attraction of these professions are social status and intellectual challenge, even though the latter can be had through far less costly means.

Staring

Stare, stare, stare.
That's all I do at work some days, when I'm not into a book.
Stare at the trees. Stare at the tree trunks.
Stare at the road, stare at the sky.
Stare at the fast cars zooming by.

Staring is therapeutic and meditative. We should all do it for an hour everyday. That's what I would require of everyone if I was queen of the world.

Grindstones

I think I would rather actually operate a grindstone instead of using it as a metaphor. Sounds way more interesting and exciting, not to mention good for my muscles. Here's a picture of one:

http://www.hampshirecam.co.uk/longparish/longparish_grindstone.jpg

It is sunny outside, and green all around. Looks like heaven. People don't realize that the real grindstone is way more fun that the negative association they make with it to refer to their career paths. Seriously.

Notes on Solitude Part II

No, solitude cannot be had in a world that does not want to leave you alone. Exploitation exists on every level of society, and everyone with any power demands your time and energy with the threat of homelessness and starvation. There are very few people in the world who are not control freaks or attention hogs, your "loving families" included.

Livelihood

Lately I have been preoccupied with trying to decide what career path to take. There are too many options out there fraught with risks both monetary and social that prevent me from taking a concrete step in any direction. My philosophical and political leanings certainly don't help the matter. I believe most careers are bullshit that require expensive bullshit education so we get hired by bullshit corporations. I am cynical and skeptical of almost every career out there except family farms which is not an option for someone like me who neither has the money nor the connections to start a farming business. I like simplicity and straightforwardness and farming seems to be the only thing that matters -- it is about making food so you can survive and thrive. It is a direct meaningful link to livelihood.

Making 8.50 an hour is not adequate if I want to live an independent life while maintaining a certain lifestyle. I need Internet connection, I need a car, I need healthful organic food. Those things cannot be had at $1000 a month without strict budgeting and stress. In a better world, the need for those things would not exist. Better public transportation and city infrastructure would make having a car unnecessary and without the existence of a handful of corporations in control of all the food production of the world without regard for nutrition or health, the word "organic" wouldn't be part of the modern lingo.

Thinking about making a living in a sick world depresses me.

Notes on solitude. Part I

My efforts at keeping to myself have been thwarted by many forces in my life, not least of which is my extraverted roommate. My customer service job also doesn't help of course. And the few friends that I do have expect me to hang out with them, and make me do stuff like join the local meetup group called "Socrates Cafe" where people talk about social problems and how to solve them. These people can be so full of themselves -- they can't get over their sense of superiority over what they see as the uneducated or unintelligent masses (which is pretty much anyone who is not part of the meetup group). As if getting together once a week to chat ever solved anything. Of course, they are also smart enough to realize they are just doing this for their own pleasure as a kind of mental masturbation, and not necessarily to help change anything. I for one am not a big believer in activism, but many of them seem to be activist wannabes, only they are too busy or lazy.

Anyway, all cynicism aside, I wanted to say that I really have a hard time writing. I am a consumer of words, not a producer. It takes a tremendous amount of effort for me to articulate my thoughts, which is also part of why going to the socrates cafe is frustrating sometimes. And of course it is one of the biggest reasons why this blog has few entries. I find writing exhausting. Thoughts are more fluid and fast, but words drag me down. They want to confine me and make me rethink and restate and reanalyze every thought that is worth expressing. I'm just not that word-y.

But to get back on topic here about solitude. I was unemployed for a while, and so I did get to spend a few months alone without constant contact with co-workers, friends, and strangers. I don't watch TV, but I do go online to read the news and blogs and nutrition/health stuff. I realized that even that is just a lot of noise in the head. I tried to cut that down further and noticed that I was restless and anxious without my daily dose of favorite webpages. Eventually, I trained myself to follow a strict routine of getting up in the morning, having a healthy breakfast of oatmeal and tea, listening to classical music while doing some light chores around the apartment. Classical music soothes my soul, calms me down, helps me focus on the present and keeps me from constantly thinking of lists of things to do.

Then I would sit in my porch under the sun, and meditate for an hour or two, until lunch time calls for a cooking session. Idle days. They were wonderful. I think everyone should get the opportunity to experience solitude without the daily pressure of meeting other people's expectations whether at work or home. To be continued.

Solitude

I have decided to enjoy, appreciate, and cultivate solitude in order to maintain my sanity and peace of mind. I hope it will also help me think more clearly about the nature of reality. People and their cultures can distort one's perception of truth, and I no longer wish to be guided by other people's delusions, illusions, and unexamined assumptions.